“A one good turn deserves another.” This saying was one that one of my classmate at job training school talked at 3minutes speech. She explained the meaning of this in detail : such as if you do kind to
others that is not only good for them but also good for yourself in the future. She added now you know real meaning ,so don’t forget about it(in Japanese if you translate this saying directly it means that to feel compassion is not for others.)


It was a few years before I knew about this meaning. Before that I understood the meaning wrong way(I feel ashamed myself)


The day before yesterday to enter 100yen shop at second floor I opened the door and tried to go second floor there came woman who seemed bit older than I and was walking with the furniture which the casters were on , so I got back to the door and helped her the door open, when I did that she who was rather poker face turned to smile and said to me “thanks, thanks so much” .Before this incident when I got out of other place there came small child and the family at the same time, but I hesitate to help them enter the place by opening the door. I somehow feel sorry about that, therefore the previous episode made my heart warm . It was me who wanted to Thank you .
Thank you so much.


I didn’t wrote this to be snobbish but to wrote this with the feeling that when I reread this article someday I wish I could do some kind thing to others not like “I do give you kindness for you so, you should feel thank me a lot ” but I hope to be someone who can cover with kindness before they knew it. I still can’t do it . These days whenever I see my family, friends, classmates I feel to be like them.




I think it’s getting better, although I became mental illness I always worried someone’s some little things. Ore over it I couldn’t show real myself, that was tough ,too.
When I became this illness I was so blue and thought “my life was over” and my mind troubled with the thought “why I became like this?”


Even now I have kind of the disorder of fear of interpersonal relations(in first stay in hospital, it was so difficult for me to do eye contact or I feel fear talking to someone and when I found a job, thought everyone might feel I’m weird )


Job training will be finished about in month. My actions are sometimes strange there ,too. But there is no one to call my names in front of me, or didn’t say heart aching words, therefore I want to show my gratitude for the classmates and teachers.


Once I might write in this blog, whenever I feel blue ,try to remember the words which my friend told me. Those are words which she told when I became this illness. She said “no matter how you are ,I like you”. I still remember like yesterday. Her words remained in my heart with warmth. At that time I confessed to her “I used to feel fear to mental illness people” her answer was “I feel sorry about it” her answer changed my mind, of course my becoming this illness effect me ,too. I prayed “I should stop having prejudice ,I want to ”


My goal is not to swing back and forth between joy and despair easily, having tranquil mind, and when I see someone new I don’t judge the person by other people’s reputations, by my own decision. That because I have so many bad side in my character so people call my names often, but even so, there still have friends who make friends with me and you don’t guess how happy and grateful I feel …so I feel I want to act like my friends these days.


In Noriyuki Makihara’s song there are these phrases “even though you found lots of my faults, why you don’t dislike me and stay with me?”she answered ‘if you change your mind by such a thing I don’t want to be told you love me ’
I am surrounded by people who think like ↑’s lyrics,.THANK YOU ALL



Every time important things increase(those are sometimes objects and sometimes persons) I think how to make a good relationship with them( how to keep it in good condition) …


I’m not good at cleaning so that there are many things I lost(bitter smile). Even though I look for them really hard it happens that I can’t find them after all…some come to say hello to me after long time past. Sociability is the same . Although I make friends with one who I want to be a forever friends, sometimes only a real small thing clings to me too much to move, then the relation ends there …well, in this case this is not the same they usually don’t come back like lost objects(
Bitter smile)


Ever since I became mental illness ,that made me lose my sociability (used to be I was
in rather positive side) there aren’t so many new friends…therefore ,the friends who are related with my favorite artist KOBUKURO,and the friends’ friends such like KOBUKURO friends’ family or friends are really precious. We like same artist, laugh together cry together, share the feelings…they are so important as same as my family and friends (who known since I was very young ,during working holiday or at day care center and so on)


Recently there increase 2 Special objects and 2 precious persons. I hope I take good care of the objects, but the persons are unknown. It depends on people I can be myself or make barriers in front of them, though I always wish to be equal to everybody . ..I may be happy to have time to think about such a extravagant trouble. I remembered one of my friends words “ You don’t have to keep jewelry a lot if you have they aren’t jewelry any more”. I sincerely wish to get along with my precious objects and people. Thanks so much to all.


P.S. Mr. KIGATAYA’s blog on 22nd June it said I will see baseball game with 3 beautiful ladies”( one of them seem to indicate me(^◇^)) He used it before that was very good compliment no matter how old I am. I’m a slow starter so troubled with Power Point classes or so there are days not to be able to read blogs ,but I reassured that to read around blogs are good thing

パワーポイント   N君


12th was a book keeping exam .Because of neglecting the study I'm sure i was failed 100%(you had to get 70% to pass but I couldn't solve the last question which alloted 32points)next exam will be on Nov. I'm gonna study for that.


I was thinking to be relaxed after this exam , but was wrong.this time there waited Power Point presentation(the PC soft for presentation using large TV projecter ect. at the meeting or presentation at halls about estimation of sales or your results of studies for audience or members of your companies)next Wed. or Thu. will be the day to read my presentation, so now I'm writing notes(well,i must say "I STILL writing notes")the teacher gave us enough time for this , but I was thinking the book keeping first, therefore now I'm in trouble(laugh)I hope I can do good presentation.By the way I'm gonna talk about "studio Ghibli"(famous amnimation studio such as WALT DESNEY )


Changing the subject, I happened to see Mr. N who was as same as the patient of the hospital I stayed at a subway station. at first he couldon't recognized me and he did frown face,after I explained we met at the hospital remembered me.He was just released there 3 days ago...I was out there 3 years 3 months ago...I understand it might be a very tough time staying there so long. Our hospitalized place was locked after5 o'clock and during at night we can only walk about 100m corridoramong our rooms,I remember i used to walked to and fro so many times at sleepless night.


He said that He went work station, had a girlfriend ( I saw a picture of mobile phone,very cute girl)and also mentioned about next goal etc. It was only about 10 minutes or so we talked but did that happily.during we stayed same hospital I only talked once with him ,other time we were lost words because of long hospitalized days we just baw each other at TV room we met often. Today we could talk peacefully and said good bye with saying the words "thank you" each other.Yesterday the teacher of the job training school said today was a SAPPORO festival ,so he might go there with his girl friend.May Mr. N be happy and your future shine brightly !(^-^)


ゴン GON

Author:ゴン GON